What is death?

The world is coming up on one year without a bright and shining star. Maggie Mine. My Grammy. She passed away after a fight with oral cancer. She was true beauty, grace, wit, and charm. My kids and I miss her everyday.

It was hard to explain to my kids where Grammy had gone. They hadn't experienced losing someone so close to them before. In their sweet little minds, it didn't make sense that someone could be and then that same someone couldn't be.

My heart struggled with the same concept.

When it was getting close to the end, I sat in her hospital room as she slept. It was getting late and I knew I needed to get back to my young family at home. As my tears streamed down my face, it was time for my final goodbye. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. I whispered in her ear, "Grammy, I love you so much. Please, please, please, come visit me and let me know you're ok when you get to the other side."

It's almost been a year, and I have yet to have her visit. I've had a couple of dreams where she made a cameo. But she never speaks to me. And I'm always trying desperately to get her attention.

I'll be honest, it shook me. We had the type of relationship, where I just KNEW she would come see me. But I haven't had a heavenly visitation yet. Is there life after death? What is death? Where do we go after this life?

And why oh why is it so hard to lose our loved ones?

I'm not new to death. I attended over 16 funerals before I was 16 years old. They included close people--my father, my grandparents, my teacher, my brother's best friend, my other brother's girlfriend, and even my own best friend. Death doesn't get easier. The hole in your heart still exists if they are 16 or 99. The world is still missing a light.

At Grammy's funeral, a speaker quoted Russell M. Nelson. It's the most beautiful quote on death I've ever heard.

"We can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life. We were born to die, and we die to live. As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven."

Something came to my remembrance the other day. Years ago, I was at the funeral of a dear friend and mentor. He died suddenly from a heart attack. He left behind a beautiful wife and 6 young children. It brought up feelings of losing my own dad at a very tender age. At the funeral of my friend, Henry B. Eyring spoke. He said, that we like to think that when loved ones pass, they will just be watching over us every moment. Our own guardian angels. He said, they will undoubtedly check in on us from time to time. But they will be busy. There is work to do on the other side. There is life after death.

My Grammy must be so busy. She always was a hard worker. I loved her for it. And I will look forward to our joyful reunion one day.

Grammy, I love you the mostest.

Do me a favor and comment on your thoughts and questions about death and the here-after. Thanks!

Love, Aly